There are just some days where we find ourselves at wits end. It’s like everything is moving but you’re stuck there. Sometimes there is nothing worse than stagnation. The earth turns, the tides rise and fall, heck, even other people change! But your just there,
acting like the powerless bystander that you were born to be.
They say some people are just born great, their great destinies imprinted on the palms of their hands since infancy. What happens when you believe you weren’t supposed to be born in the first place? Is it your parents’ fault that you were robbed of a great destiny due to their effervescent ignorance? Or does the fault lie with you, a weakling incapable of terminating your own existence even after you’ve realized that you were born for no apparent reason at all? You’re existence is an anomaly at best. Walking the earth with no purpose, you just end up hindering other people from fulfilling their respective missions.
“The Lost”, a very apt appellation if I could say so myself, to describe this meaningless reality.
You see everybody’s plan coming into fruition while you sit by the sidelines. Any accomplishment you achieve doesn’t have the desired effect. Where others would feel success or satisfaction, you only feel emptiness. All this happens while new and harder barrage of questions assault your already confused and chaotic head. You feel your soul literally being rendered into pieces. What’s worse is that you know that it will never get better. Somewhere deep inside your pathetic excuse for a core, you know…that this is how it’s supposed to be.
Nothing can comfort you. There is only this reality gnawing at the back of your head. Even this certainty can’t bring you peace. You try desperately to hold on to your so-called “normalcy”, trying to act like everyone else. You do everything to hide your pain, your confusion, to keep everyone from seeing the real you.
Where does the answer lie? In the embrace of your kin? In the laws of your society? In the ridiculous myth that has concentrated itself to become religion? Isn’t it funny? That in all this commotion, you fail to see what’s really happening.
Look around you little boy, open your eyes to the truth. You have to realize, we all do the same things. We’re all stuck in this half-life, a meaningless existence. All we can do is to crash into each other and in that instant, form sparks that force us to feel something. Even if this collision only leaves us with more questions, a deep gaping hole of want…it doesn’t matter, because we all know that this is the only way to get through this existence. And who knows, maybe someday…hopefully soon…we get our ultimate reward, the thing we hunger for the most: the last goodbye, the slumber from which there is no awakening…and someday, yes, we will get to rest.
1 comment:
dear jowee,
read ur blog through one of dj's links. what i can say to you is that what makes life interesting is the hardships we have to endure, whether they are affairs of the heart or just the common family problems that inflict us all. i used to think lamely about my-so-called life before and realized that we all have our crosses to bear, that at the end of the day, we have to make-do with the cards we've been dealt with. there is enough hurt in the world emotionally already and adding physical hurt to it doesn't let you win the battles. so hang in there, there is much more to life than sorrow. there is a purpose in life, and soon the world of possibilities opens up.
Post a Comment