sacrifices and rewards

I just concluded that I learned how to be a college student too late. It's only this term that I decided to balance my self, appropriate my time well, and prioritize things correctly.

I could've done a hell'a lot more if only I flew through college like this.

But things seem to float way from me now. Change is inevitable and often times, we do everything to escape its passing.

I even decided to get myself a summer job. Y'know? Just to get a good feel of things before it's really too late. I want to know what it'll be like having a job. The time when I'll be ultimately thrust into adulthood and the days of simpe living will be gone.

Yes! I said simple living...I AM aware that college life is piece of cake compared to life in the real world. You might ask: "then why complain all the time?". The answer is simple...BECAUSE I CAN. Somehow, ranting makes things a lot easier to take in all at once. It's nice to know that someone will always be there to hear you out.

The time to grow up is drawing near. I finally have to earn my keep and prove the righteousnes of my existence in this world. It's time to leave an indelible mark that those younger than me will look up to someday. All I wish for...is that I be worthy of this harrowing responsibility.

I have come to terms with the fact that others will look up to me for guidance now. No longer can I rant simply because I can...now, I will complain because that IS ALL I CAN DO.

Possibilities are always nice...not knowing, ever questioning, and making the fates laugh when we try to decipher our futures. It's almost time to delve into the great big unknown. Hopefully someday, I get to rise from this sea of doubt a changed man...a better person...an entity who has purchased his right to exist from the jaws of uselessness.

been to hell and back

It's Tuesday. I've been through two of the biggest, nastiest tests ever made known to man.

And guess what:

I'm still alive!!!!

Hahaha!!! Score: 2-Joey, Nasty Teachers-ZERO!!!

But it's still not over. I still have to moderate a panel discussion tomorrow and I let's not forget about the two other requirements I have to submit.

But all in all, everything is peachy in Joweeland!!!

a glimpse of things to come

I'm just updating now because I might be delirious even before the week ends.

I have a statistics test on Monday (6-9 PM)...

I have a differential equations test on Tuesday...

I have to prepare for a panel discussion (which I will be moderating) on Wednesday...

I have to squeeze in some hands on time for my CATIA project on Thursday...

Finally, I have to submit a paper for Religion (about the movie: Devil's Advocate) on Friday...

So...it's already the second to the last week before the term ends and the end is still not in sight. I can't see my finish line...HELP ME!!! SHOOT ME!!!

the search for the silver lining

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse. Just when you hoped that there's no where else to go but up (from the slump you're stuck in...). AND, atfter reading your horoscope and discovering you're in for good things...

KABOOM!!! The preverbial rug is pulled from underneath your flat feet and you end up belly-up in this world where upright is the only way to be.

IN SHORT...I hate fucking Mondays!!!

I had to put up with lots of drama today. First I got up late...I ended up missing my first class. Then during second period, the prof was busy backtracing and eating shit...whew, and I thought I was unorganized!!! Then during my last class (Goddamn RELIGION!!!) I had to deal with a friend of mine who happens to be in most of my groupings for other courses dishing out a full shitload of drama.


I just want to know if simplicity is too much to ask for. I mean we're all busy right? I refuse to believe that there are degrees of busy-ness. I mean it's either you are or you aren't, right???

Geesh! I don't understand where all this animosity is coming from. Was college always this hard? I miss books...memorizing, and passing that way. Just when graduation is within reach, everyone conspires to push it away from your groping hands.

I just wish people would just shoot themselves instead of giving me too much drama!!!

my life in a nutshell

I'd take 5 pentabarbital pills over life any day!

art imitating life

I've been trying to recover these past few days, but it seems like everytime a smile begins to form on my face something always pops up to stop it from happening. Sometimes we just go through slumps in our lives, where satisfaction seems to plateau and we're left scratching our heads.

Well, I have a slightly different mechanism for coping:

Hurting just feels soooo good. Enough said...

the antithesis to a happy and satisfying life…

There are just some days where we find ourselves at wits end. It’s like everything is moving but you’re stuck there. Sometimes there is nothing worse than stagnation. The earth turns, the tides rise and fall, heck, even other people change! But your just there, acting like the powerless bystander that you were born to be.

They say some people are just born great, their great destinies imprinted on the palms of their hands since infancy. What happens when you believe you weren’t supposed to be born in the first place? Is it your parents’ fault that you were robbed of a great destiny due to their effervescent ignorance? Or does the fault lie with you, a weakling incapable of terminating your own existence even after you’ve realized that you were born for no apparent reason at all? You’re existence is an anomaly at best. Walking the earth with no purpose, you just end up hindering other people from fulfilling their respective missions.

“The Lost”, a very apt appellation if I could say so myself, to describe this meaningless reality.

You see everybody’s plan coming into fruition while you sit by the sidelines. Any accomplishment you achieve doesn’t have the desired effect. Where others would feel success or satisfaction, you only feel emptiness. All this happens while new and harder barrage of questions assault your already confused and chaotic head. You feel your soul literally being rendered into pieces. What’s worse is that you know that it will never get better. Somewhere deep inside your pathetic excuse for a core, you know…that this is how it’s supposed to be.

Nothing can comfort you. There is only this reality gnawing at the back of your head. Even this certainty can’t bring you peace. You try desperately to hold on to your so-called “normalcy”, trying to act like everyone else. You do everything to hide your pain, your confusion, to keep everyone from seeing the real you.

Where does the answer lie? In the embrace of your kin? In the laws of your society? In the ridiculous myth that has concentrated itself to become religion? Isn’t it funny? That in all this commotion, you fail to see what’s really happening.

Look around you little boy, open your eyes to the truth. You have to realize, we all do the same things. We’re all stuck in this half-life, a meaningless existence. All we can do is to crash into each other and in that instant, form sparks that force us to feel something. Even if this collision only leaves us with more questions, a deep gaping hole of want…it doesn’t matter, because we all know that this is the only way to get through this existence. And who knows, maybe someday…hopefully soon…we get our ultimate reward, the thing we hunger for the most: the last goodbye, the slumber from which there is no awakening…and someday, yes, we will get to rest.

on trials and retribution

There are two words all graduating La Sallian students learn to fear: RELIABILITY RUN...


We had that today and it was...disturbing to say the least. Only five thesis groups defended this term and two out of the five groups failed even before lunch time. I'm thinking I was sooooo right deciding to drop the defense and wait 'til next term.


I would've given everything to graduate this term, but I guess it's just not meant to be.


I just wish the 10 or so MEM graduates this year to hold the banner high and to kick some serious ass in the real world.

post-mortem

Okaaaaaay...I just reviewed my prior post and...DAMN! DO I SOUND SWEET OR WHAT???

eeeew...I almost sound...I dunno...happy...(enter: creepy howling sounds)

Just to keep things in the straight and narrow: I just missed blogging (too much, apparently) and I promise to bring on the wrath of angst in my next posts.

Kudos everyone!!!

and so I'm back...from outerspace!!!

GOD! I MISSED BLOGGING!!!

Where else could you vent off into empty space???

A lot's happened since my self-imposed online silence effected last January. I got off into a good start, academically speaking and I have been working my ass off to meet impossible deadlines. And I'm gald to say...ALL IS GOOD IN JOEYLAND!!!

Although there's a little bump in the road here and there, I've been enjoying my second to the last term. I've even finished my pre-graduation ORIENT3 modules. I'm itching to get out of school and BE A BUM!!!! Bwahahahahahaha...nah...I wanna go to work already. I'm rearing to go to Singapore and work there, and my I bet my brother is sooooo excited to get someone who knows how to cook "edible" food...

Now going to the serious stuff...I've been dealing with issues lately and I have come to resort to ummm..."unorthodox" measures. One of my friends confronted me about the scars on my wrist and I just decided to open up to her. At least it was nice to know that not ALL people freak out when they see my scars. Also, she got on my case...BIG TIME...and she's been making sure I don't go all nasty on myself anytime soon. (Big thanks to CHARM for keeping me alive)

I've also done some pretty neat stuff these past months. I dedicated two Saturdays last February to helping out with Habitat for Humanity's BASECO site. It was refreshing to experience hardships with sense...I got to know the poeple who'll be living in the houses we helped build and they were thanful...to say the least. I remember my high school days working in Habitat's Las Pinas site...

I really hope I can update more often now...just to give you guys an idea of how busy I've been, I have my laptop with me (almost) everyday in school (with free WiFi connection, mind you...) and I still can't update this damn thing...

Oh well...to the truly faithful friends I have who've been visiting this page despite the lack of new stuff, all I can say is...GET A LIFE!!! (go out, do something else besides fester over the wounds of my life...) joke!!!! nah...I really want to thank you guys!