On creed and consequence…

My mom and I have had little talks these past few days. My mom was bitching about how expensive my older brother’s January 2007 wedding is getting and it ultimately led to that dreaded conversation about how my dad is a loser because he’s currently jobless (and I’m not counting on him getting one anytime in the foreseeable future…) She was like: “Is he happy with how his life is? Is he content with the way we live now?”

For you to understand my mom’s sentiments, I’ve got a whole lot of explaining to do. Last year, my dad decided to quit his job because he just couldn’t agree with the owner’s (by owner I mean the owner of the company he works for) daughter (who was then running the company, effectively making her his boss…) So my dad, in his usual fevered stupidity brought about by unexplainable (and unhealthy if I might add…) amounts of pride decided to quit, thus, his current BUM status. Ever since, my mom has been the one shouldering expenses. When before, she was synonymous with the word. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if my mom wasn’t a spender, I wouldn’t be enjoying much of the luxuries I have right now.

Enough history talk…so, fastforward to the present. My mom was bitching like hell. Saying how she would stop working after I graduated college and if they ran out of money, they’d just starve to death. I have to say…A+ for the extreme drama, very Academy Award worthy. So I told, her that this was the exact reason why I will never get married, I’d just have affairs ‘til I have a child and would just take the baby with me and leave my partner. I want a kid, not the whole freaking package with the wife and white picket fences.

To sum it all up, my mom concluded that: “no couple could be happy in marriage unless they are financially stable.” I have to agree, but I went on to take it a little further, make it a little bit general: “In life, if you don’t have money, chances are you will never be happy.” And I don’t give a shit what the priests have to say about living a simple life. To me, a simple life is a TV show with two sluts pretending they actually have brains.

But it IS true. You see, the people who are always smiling and generally enjoy their lives are the people with healthy bank accounts. And don’t give me that crap about showbiz personalities being stalked or rich kids being kidnapped. All I said was being rich made you happy; I said nothing about BEING POPULAR.

And how do you become popular when you’re rich? That happens when you can’t keep you money to yourself. It’s either you splurge too much, or in the case of some people who decided they could buy their way to heaven, they open foundations for the friggin poor.

So how do you become rich and happy at the same time? Oh, and yeas it can be done. You could bake your cake and eat it too!!! First, be smart about spending your money. Don’t ever buy dreadfully colored and oh so skimpy couture, Believe me, you don’t need a yacht, trust me, you’ll end up dead in it anyways… And secondly, never share! Yep! You heard me right. Never give a penny to anyone. You worked yourself to the bone trying to earn that money, why give it to them? If someone close to your heart goes to you in dire need of money, see them off and tell them that there are no handouts in the real world! Trust me; they’ll be better learning to cope up alone. Make them face their problems, even if they’re dying, at least they accomplish something.

The only thing worth sharing is misery. Yes folks! The old adage is true. MISERY, DOES LOVE COMPANY! You don’t believe me? Then think back to a time in your life when everything sucked. There are three kinds of people in situations like this. First, there are those who don’t give a shit what happens to you. (Just flip them the finger) Secondly, there are those goody-two-shoes who can’t help but stick their noses in other people’s shit. They are the most annoying, trying to console you and make you feel better. And it doesn’t work. Why? Because they’re happy and they just pity you. The last kind are the people who are in worse conditions. These are the people who ACTUALLY MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. Example, you failed a subject, sure, you feel bad, but wait until you see someone get kicked out of school. You’ll feel better, because all in all, you’re well-off compared to that loser!

So, if y’all want to live happy lives, there is only one currency that you should use. It’s not the dollar, it’s not the euro…it’s MISERY…MISERY IS THE CURRENCY OF GREED and most people do well in life by dishing out shitloads of misery and just taking all the money for themselves.