dilemma is the catch word of the day...

Ok...so good news first. I've got two interviews this week. Well one was today actually. The other one's on Thursday. When things sound too good to be true, they usually are right? Also, when you've spent the past few weeks, months, or possibly your whole life living in outright suckiness (it's not a word, I know...) you tend to question good stuff when they come along and I would be the last to tell you you're wrong to do that.

So, last Saturday I again checked the paper. Well, it's like this, during Saturdays the Singapore Straits Times, our newspaper of choice, prints a complete segment full of classifieds and job postings. It's called CATS recruits and possibly the only reason I read the news except of course when the orangutan Ah Meng died. I set-up an interview with this company near where I live. It's for an IE position which is cools because that's exactly what I wanted.

Fast forward to earlier today...wait, it's yesterday already. I got a call at around 1PM from another company I applied to. This one's a sales job. I initially thought it's going to be something in the lines of research, like what a financial/business analyst does. How wrong I was! Well, I guess I did well with the phone interview because the girl I was talking to (who turned out to be the manager of the whole friggin sales department) asked me if I was willing to drop by the office at around 5PM for a face to face interview. So you could just imagine the panic that ensued after I hung up. It was an all out scramble to put together a decent interview outfit. Then a quick visit to Google Maps to plot my route and to find out which train to take.

Okay, so I ended up taking a cab to the place. So sue me. Funny thing, during the cab ride there, when I told the driver the address, I think he concluded that I was into business or some other shit. A very acceptable mistake since I gave him directions to the Bank of China building at the heart of Singapore's central business district. He began his tirade with an in depth discussion of the upcoming Beijing Olympics and how much money China could earn. Then we got into a discussion about the whole US mortgage crisis thing. He then continued to ask for my opinions about the dropping price of the dollar and if it would be wise to start buying US dollars and wait for the US economy to improve. I just played along and gave my honest opinions although I left out the part about me not having good financial acumen at all.

So I got off at the address. Then went straight up to the designated floor. I was welcomed by a pleasant front desk girl. She rang me in and told me to wait a while. I told her it was fine since I did arrive about 30 minutes ahead of the 5PM schedule.

Onto the interview itself. Usually, I have these red flags I watch out for during an interview and I'm sure interviewers have their own set of red flags to look out for. I found it unnerving that the interviewer kept on asking me if I am sure this is the job I want, throughout the interview. She also kept on discussing the grounds for termination every moment she got. She also kept on pestering me about my degree and why I would decide to "waste" my degree pursuing a career tha thad nothing to do with. Well, hearing all of this, you would think that I didn't get the job, right? Wrong! I was invited to the final interview stage tomorrow...wait, that'd be today at 2PM. She also told me that if everything goes well during the final interview, she actually wants me to start training on Wednesday! I asked her if I could possibly start next week, but she told me it was either Wednesday or kaputz.

So okay, a qucik rundown before I go ranting. I found out that the job designation used in the add was totally bogus and you couldn't imagine what the actual job scope/description is just by knowing the designation. I also found out that the job generally sucked but you could actually make tons of cash if you got the chops for it.

That lands us in dilemma-land now. I got home (I tokk the cab again...) and rested a bit. When my older brother got home, he immediately asked we how it went. So I told hime it went fine and if things continue the way they're going that I'd have a job by tomorrow and that I'll probably start working on Wednesday. Man, let me tell you, he actually smiled. I kinda get that because he is feeding me afterall and I'm not paying didly squat for anyhting in the meantime. Plus, he has a kid on the way. So we went into the particulars and I guess it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I didn't want the job. Then he spoke the thing I feared most hearing: "At least it's a job..." Kaboom! Guilt trip around the universe! I tried to reason out that if I went through with the job, I wouldn't even be able to shop up for my Thursday interview. Remember? The job I ACTUALLY like?

Things got messier when his wife got home. I described the job scope and she honestly told me it sounded hard...and IT IS! We covered the basics while they ate dinner. If I get the job, I'll start earning money soon but I will, in turn, kill off any possibility of a better job. Since I won't have the time to go to interviews, Thursday interview, included. Also, if I started working, the company would get me an Employment Pass thereby rendering my one-year extended Social Visit Pass null and void. It also pretty much ends the useful life of my Employment Pss Eligibility Certificate since I no longer had to be eligible for something I would already be getting. How does this translate to my life? It means that I cannot quit the job because if I do, I wont have the legal right to stay in the country since I am neither a permanent resident or a citizen. The best I could do would be to quit, leave the country and re-enter giving me 30 dyas maximum to secure a new job. Or as my brother put it, I can't quit unless I already have another job lined up. Which is close to impossible since I won't have the time to pursue other employment options!

Things got a lot worse when my brother texted me a few hours ago (yeah, we're only a room apart, but he texted me anyway). He told me that if I really didn't want the job, that I shouldn't commit to it just yet and to "keep my options open". It was a nice sentiment and all, but it sounded like he didn't understand a word I said! If I get the job tomorrow, there are NO options left to keep open!!! Since I would be starting immediately. I also can't "not commit" because I already asked if I could possibly start next week and that request was met by a firm negative. I also got the distinct feeling that he only texted me after his wife told him how I felt. So it's like he was coerced into feeling sorry for me.

So I'm torn between seeking a job that would give me both personal and professional fullfillment and getting any job that would free me from being the financial leech (burden) that I am right now. Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually a pretty sensitive person and I understand how badly my brother wants me to start working. It's not just because he cares for me, it's also because it's expensive keeping me around!

Man...life DOES suck. I've been wishing for interview requests to pour in and when they finally do, they screw me up big time. Geesh! Whoever runs this universe has got a sick sense of humor!

playing catch up...

Time does fly and what sucks is that even if you stay still, time will still ebb and flow. Since I moved, I noticed that time moves faster here and no I'm not going nuts. Usually, when you're stuck doing nothing, times crawls right? Here, I don't do anyhting productive most of the day but I find that does nothing to make the day seem longer.

Plus, everytime I get to talk with a friend from back home, a lot has always happened. I feel stuck, like I'm shackled to a specific moment in time, cursed to watch as everything advances around me.

It's about time for a new distraction.

rainbow splash on American Idol

Well well well...I'm happily surprised with American Idol. As we all know, the 12 dudes (well, not all of them are "dudes" per se) sang this time.

I'm happy to report that the producers sure know how to edit their footage. There were a few flamers that performed that completely caught me off guard. The show was pure faggotry in motion! A few of the guys seemed like run of the mill guys during the episodes last week but proved to be more of a fairy than Tinkerbell herself!!!

This would be an interesting season indeed!

sometimes...it just happens

I had a blast during dinner time. No, we didn't eat out. No, we didn't have take away. NO, WE DIDN'T HAVE HEAVY DRINKS WITH THE FOOD!

I must say...good food is even made better when had with good conversation.So yeah, I'm happy about the conversation we had after dinner. Plus, the food was great of course...compliments of yours truly. The talk was kind of heavy but not the philosophical kind. More like real stuff. Family, past problems, our outlook in life. I've always had fun talks with my older brother. We usually like the same stuff. What I was surprised most was how much his wife and I had in common in terms of outlook.

Obviously, among the three of us, I sort of stick out like a sore thumb. It comes with territory. I was babied a lot when I was young and that kind of thing doesn't go away. But I must say, I must be maturing well to be able to carry a conversation about serious stuff.

I might not be making sense right now...it's just that I hadn't been having fun recently and tonight was a welcome change.

breathing but not really...

What do people call a stae of mind where everything seems to be trapped in such stasis that your mind races forward and everything gets left behind? Much like an out of body experience but without the feeling of separation. It's like you're still trapped in your corporeal form yet your brain functions out of it. What ideas your head thinks up is beyond the "here and now" of your body.

I've been having these experiences the past few days. Wherein I think ahead yet I am unable to piece together the ideas needed to bridge my plans for the future and my current reality. I'm not a selfish person, I want to succeed for my family. I want my parents to have it all. I want to be able to provide for my family in the most grand fashion. Understand me when I say that I don't dream of allowing them to live in excess (although that wouldn't be such a bad thing) but more in the terms of absolute comfort and security.

Why then does it seem that reality itself is hellbent on my failure? Are my dreams not justified? Am I asking for too much? Maybe yes...but hearing stories of such grand conquests makes me foam at the mouth. Makes want to taste success even more.

Alas, dreams of paradise are just that for one such as me...dreams.

fidgety

So...just got home from the cinema. My brother, his wife adn I decided to see Jumper today and it was cool. I really liked Jamie Bell's character. Sadly, Rachel Bilson looked old throughout the film. Diane Lane's presence was also wasted. Having a good actor do nothing should be made illegal.

I finally got to wear my new shoes. They behave all day and stayed comfy. We also went to a store for baby items and pretty much ended up spending a lot of money on different crap...cute crap.

when things go overboard

Argh! Just when I've decided to cut back on the drama in my life, this shit happens.

I've been spending a lot of my sleepless nights chatting with people I used to work with. They're like a second family to me and their constant disruptive emails actually make me smile from time to time.

The past few days we've been acting like kids and we've been taking sides in a little scuffle between two friends. It all started when both girls applied for a promotion and obviously, only on egot promoted. So their bff standing instantly became kaputz. Everything went downhill from there. Let's just refer to them as "churchperson" (cp) and "whore". So cp got the promotion and whore got mad, went crying to management and acted like a bitch would.

Recently, cp got into an iced tea dunking fiasco. Where she, in a fit of raged, dunked her glass of iced over someone from management. Et voila! Instant memo. She got transferred to a different team after that. Though she wasn't demoted, she lost the prestige of handling such an important team. Lo and behold, whore goes gunning for the position ever before the dust has settled. Then whore goes on to request management to issue a temporary restraining order against cp effectively barring her from talking with her previous team which would also be her FRIENDS. Yeah...grown-up behavior right?

So cp went typing away and sending comments via our yahoogroups (where current and past co-employees from the same training batch still get tot alk to one another) to inform everyone about what happened. So like kids we took sides and funny thing is no one sided with whore. Which wasn't all that surprising to me seeing as to how this whole thing was her fault.

What got on my nerves was what whore did next. She actually printed out all the emails and gave copies to management and feigned being the victim. Now cp is suspended pending termination...

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!

living it up? yeah right...

I was accused by one of my friends of living it up here in Singapore while they were killing themselves with work. I went red in the face with fury...are you guys daft? Well, I guess you'd have to be to be a friend of mine. LOL! Yeah, a definite prerequisite...

What the hell people?! I'll admit the fact that I'm not dead tired over here but I am stressed out as it is. For the record: "I am definitely not living it up here." Bitches please, if I were living it up you guys would be the first to know.

Although, I did go shopping yesterday and got these new (well maybe not so new) Vans slip-ons. I got the black and white checkered ones with the colored 2007 (see? not so new...) Warped Tour logo. I saw it, fell in love and wouldn't get out of the shop without it. I also saw some cool new Chuck Taylor's that kinda made me wish I had a job right about now. I also checked out awesome Billabong goodies and it's official, surfing goods in the Philippines are insanely priced! If you want surf brand goods, call me and I'll see what I can do for when I go home either this March or on December.

Admittedly, the most drool-worthy part of the shopping trip was our little visit to Louis Vuitton. OMFG! I wanted to snatch the monogramed long billfold, the tan attache case, a cool lock pendant, leather bracelets and some of the sunnies! I also peed myself with excitement inside the store. I was so hyped my brother decided we shouldn't go to Charriol anymore lest I start foaming at the mouth.

xoxo - Joey

under pressure...

So...it took a while but I guess I'm back to my old blogging ways. I'm quite settled here already that I feel confident enough to start dishing dirt again.

The funny thing is, right about the time I've settled...it may be time for me to fly back home. To say that I feel confused, is a monumental understatement. My parents have been surprisingly ill-affected by my departure. I, on the other hand, surprised myself by feeling strangely fine. Sure I tend to notice vast differences between Singapore and Manila but I don't find myself yearning to be back home. Everywhere I look here, I see potential. I see "future me" walking along the sides of Orchard Road toting shopping bags from designer so and so ala New York fashion week. I've also begun my battle with the bulge and I'm now comfortably cutting back on serving sizes next up would be finding an exercise regimen that would fit in with my life.

Life right now is a huge ball of ups and downs but then again, when was it ever not?