standing before the great divide...

I have been struggling as of late to secure myself a decent job. By decent, I'm referring to jobs that offer reasonable (I'm not looking to make millions...yet) compensation with competitive training and experience. Ultimately, my goal is to get a job that would increase my marketability. Sure, a big fat paycheck would be nice, but I'm more concerned about how my job would look on my resume.

So I've applied time and time again to jobs in multinational companies. I've explored every available avenue of engineering jobs there is. I tried Industrial Engineering fields, Customer Support Engineering, Process and Product Engineering, SAP support and what not...all rendering mediocre success. I've even entertained the possibility of returning to the call center industry albeit in a manegerial position.

My mom told me a few days ago that my brother was quite irritated as well at the status of the engineering job he had set up for me in his old company. It was progressing far slower than we both had originally hoped. Apparently, he discreetly told my mom that if he were to come home this June and I still didn't have a job, he would come get me. He plans on bringing me back with him to Singapore and to continue my job hunt there. Honestly, I was surprised upon hearing this since I honestly thought he was the one against me prematurely going to Singapore. He had always been the one to preach about the all mighty importance of previous work experience before trying my luck there.

What prompted my mother to divulge this treasured piece of information was my speech about considering teaching in La Salle if all getv awry, I discussed how I would teach while I worked my way up to a master's degree in my engineering field since instructors were given huge discounts if not full scholarships in DLSU.

My reaction, after having time to get over my initial disbelief was apprehension. Now here is where everything gets a bit confusing...it's when the preverbial shit hits the fan. I actually found myself hesitant at the prospect of going to Singapore and trying to work there. Apparently, my brother's dogma about building a good resume locally with solid work experience has become deeply ingrained in my head that doing otherwise became preposterous! While mom was explaining how my brother was willing to support me for two months while I try my luck, I was already formulating a solid plan of attack to escape this proposition.

To make matters worse, all the friends I've talked with today have lectured me on how much of a wonderful opportunity I'm missing out on. I chatted with Van who, ironically enough, is the same person I've asked help from regarding my Intel application. She told me not pass up on the chance to establish myself abroad. I explained my reasons and how I only plan to stay in Intel for about a year or so (but I really plan on staying AT LEAST two years) then I'll go and leave with my brother. Next in line was Joetech (the "other" Joey, drives him wild when I say that) who in the midst of his rants about how sucky his current job was, took the time to emphasize how lucky I was right now...he simply doesn't know how much I envied him when he got his job! There's also Keeks who urges me to just go there and try it out. She even explained how I could get over my reluctance to go there (due to the fact that my brother will be supporting me THE WHOLE TIME!) by helping out around my brother's house, cleaning up, cooking and what not.

I just couldn't understand why my friends don't get my point. If I was sure I'd get a job in Singapore the moment I get there, I would have no qualms about leaving right now. They have to understand that I don't want to feed (more like leech) off of my brother if I couldn't guarantee him success. If I fail in securing a job within the two months he'd give me, all his expenses in supporting me would be for naught and I don't want that to bear on my conscience! Why can't people get that?! I'm not being selfish...it's the complete opposite in fact! While the people who do get me somewhat accuse me of cowardice! They frown on my lack of confidence to try and ride it out abroad! I understand that risks are a vital part of our progression but I honestly don't believe that at this specific instant, I should go play with the cards I've been dealt. I think I should wait out a few more rounds until I get a better hand.

I'm utterly confused right now and I don't know where to go from here AND I only have a couple of weeks left to decide! If there has been any appropriate time for an epiphany, now would be the right moment!