clarity...

My parents threw a curve ball at me last night. It all started when my dad was having his dinner. Since, we don't get to eat together often nowadays, he was having it late. He usually finishes other stuff up in the new floor even after the workers have gone. So I was just lounging around in our sofa (I've transformed the living room into my new HQ...for the meantime) just surfing away and probably chatting up Mich when the topic of my impending departure came up. For those who have gone to the trouble of reading my blog these past couple of years (the blogger account) would definitely know that my dad and I don't enjoy the most "close" relationship. So imagine my surprise when he said: "If you go, we'll miss your cooking." It was a really simple thought but somewhat of a giant step (leaps and bounds if I may...) in terms of our relationship.

Later on that night in my parents' room (I'm sleeping there in the meanwhile...I can't use the A/C in my room yet) I was telling my mom that I spent much of the day surfing the net for tips on how to get my hair done. I was fussing over possible styles that I could get when I have my locks cut. She segwayed by using my friend Walter's hair as an example. She told me to cut it to that length (I was surprised because Walter had longish hair as well before) and just tuck my locks behind my ear when I want to look more professional. On the other hand, my hair would still be long enough for me to tie back. So we enjoyed a few minutes silence after that. Thanks, in large part to the steamed buns (siopao) we were eating.

Then, out of nowhere, my mother blurts out: "I don't want you to leave. You don't need a high paying job anyways. We manage to get along just fine with what we have. You could even return to the call center industry if nothing good comes along." I honestly didn't know what to say. The past few weeks she was all but ready to pack my stuff for me and chuck me out our door! Then she completely blindsides me with such a comment. I mean...WHAT THE FUCK?! It was also worth noting that my dad was totally agreeing with my mother!!!

She went on to say that I should be happy because if I don't go, then I get to keep my hair in its current length. COME ON...it's just hair. Yeah, I'll be the first to tell you that having my hair cut does, in fact, suck big time but I've always planned to grow it back once I get a steady job!

My mind went to overdrive last night. I just had to speak with someone. So I sent an SOS to Mich. After she didn't reply for a few minutes, I thought she was busy or (as usual, just like back in college) she had no credits (Mich, honestly, you're 22...GET A POST-PAID PLAN!!! LOL) so I SMSed the next person that I though of. Jana (an old officemate of mine) replied promptly and told me that my mom probably had an epiphany of sorts and realized how much she'll miss me.

My point is this, up until now, everyone has been progressing with their own agenda. No really gave a thought to what I MIGHT WANT...but apparently, my own parents don't even give a damn about my future as well. We all know that our parents won't be with us forever. What happens to me when my parents have gone? I'd be left with a mediocre job and wanting...NO, NEEDING support from other people. It looks to me like they're willing to sacrifice good working opportunities just to hold on to me for a few more years. Don't get me wrong, if I had no dire need to leave I really wouldn't. But after I've gone through the PROs and CONs it really looks like this Singapore trip might reap good rewards.

What happens now? I'm screwed over...SERIOUSLY. I had a long chat with Mich the entire day (I wonder if she even got work done today...) and just vented. I'm more confused now than when this whole ordeal started. Dilemma? That's a massive understatement. I don't know who to listen to anymore.