I had a blast during dinner time. No, we didn't eat out. No, we didn't have take away. NO, WE DIDN'T HAVE HEAVY DRINKS WITH THE FOOD!
I must say...good food is even made better when had with good conversation.So yeah, I'm happy about the conversation we had after dinner. Plus, the food was great of course...compliments of yours truly. The talk was kind of heavy but not the philosophical kind. More like real stuff. Family, past problems, our outlook in life. I've always had fun talks with my older brother. We usually like the same stuff. What I was surprised most was how much his wife and I had in common in terms of outlook.
Obviously, among the three of us, I sort of stick out like a sore thumb. It comes with territory. I was babied a lot when I was young and that kind of thing doesn't go away. But I must say, I must be maturing well to be able to carry a conversation about serious stuff.
I might not be making sense right now...it's just that I hadn't been having fun recently and tonight was a welcome change.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
breathing but not really...
What do people call a stae of mind where everything seems to be trapped in such stasis that your mind races forward and everything gets left behind? Much like an out of body experience but without the feeling of separation. It's like you're still trapped in your corporeal form yet your brain functions out of it. What ideas your head thinks up is beyond the "here and now" of your body.
I've been having these experiences the past few days. Wherein I think ahead yet I am unable to piece together the ideas needed to bridge my plans for the future and my current reality. I'm not a selfish person, I want to succeed for my family. I want my parents to have it all. I want to be able to provide for my family in the most grand fashion. Understand me when I say that I don't dream of allowing them to live in excess (although that wouldn't be such a bad thing) but more in the terms of absolute comfort and security.
Why then does it seem that reality itself is hellbent on my failure? Are my dreams not justified? Am I asking for too much? Maybe yes...but hearing stories of such grand conquests makes me foam at the mouth. Makes want to taste success even more.
Alas, dreams of paradise are just that for one such as me...dreams.
I've been having these experiences the past few days. Wherein I think ahead yet I am unable to piece together the ideas needed to bridge my plans for the future and my current reality. I'm not a selfish person, I want to succeed for my family. I want my parents to have it all. I want to be able to provide for my family in the most grand fashion. Understand me when I say that I don't dream of allowing them to live in excess (although that wouldn't be such a bad thing) but more in the terms of absolute comfort and security.
Why then does it seem that reality itself is hellbent on my failure? Are my dreams not justified? Am I asking for too much? Maybe yes...but hearing stories of such grand conquests makes me foam at the mouth. Makes want to taste success even more.
Alas, dreams of paradise are just that for one such as me...dreams.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
fidgety
So...just got home from the cinema. My brother, his wife adn I decided to see Jumper today and it was cool. I really liked Jamie Bell's character. Sadly, Rachel Bilson looked old throughout the film. Diane Lane's presence was also wasted. Having a good actor do nothing should be made illegal.
I finally got to wear my new shoes. They behave all day and stayed comfy. We also went to a store for baby items and pretty much ended up spending a lot of money on different crap...cute crap.
I finally got to wear my new shoes. They behave all day and stayed comfy. We also went to a store for baby items and pretty much ended up spending a lot of money on different crap...cute crap.
Friday, February 15, 2008
when things go overboard
Argh! Just when I've decided to cut back on the drama in my life, this shit happens.
I've been spending a lot of my sleepless nights chatting with people I used to work with. They're like a second family to me and their constant disruptive emails actually make me smile from time to time.
The past few days we've been acting like kids and we've been taking sides in a little scuffle between two friends. It all started when both girls applied for a promotion and obviously, only on egot promoted. So their bff standing instantly became kaputz. Everything went downhill from there. Let's just refer to them as "churchperson" (cp) and "whore". So cp got the promotion and whore got mad, went crying to management and acted like a bitch would.
Recently, cp got into an iced tea dunking fiasco. Where she, in a fit of raged, dunked her glass of iced over someone from management. Et voila! Instant memo. She got transferred to a different team after that. Though she wasn't demoted, she lost the prestige of handling such an important team. Lo and behold, whore goes gunning for the position ever before the dust has settled. Then whore goes on to request management to issue a temporary restraining order against cp effectively barring her from talking with her previous team which would also be her FRIENDS. Yeah...grown-up behavior right?
So cp went typing away and sending comments via our yahoogroups (where current and past co-employees from the same training batch still get tot alk to one another) to inform everyone about what happened. So like kids we took sides and funny thing is no one sided with whore. Which wasn't all that surprising to me seeing as to how this whole thing was her fault.
What got on my nerves was what whore did next. She actually printed out all the emails and gave copies to management and feigned being the victim. Now cp is suspended pending termination...
WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!
I've been spending a lot of my sleepless nights chatting with people I used to work with. They're like a second family to me and their constant disruptive emails actually make me smile from time to time.
The past few days we've been acting like kids and we've been taking sides in a little scuffle between two friends. It all started when both girls applied for a promotion and obviously, only on egot promoted. So their bff standing instantly became kaputz. Everything went downhill from there. Let's just refer to them as "churchperson" (cp) and "whore". So cp got the promotion and whore got mad, went crying to management and acted like a bitch would.
Recently, cp got into an iced tea dunking fiasco. Where she, in a fit of raged, dunked her glass of iced over someone from management. Et voila! Instant memo. She got transferred to a different team after that. Though she wasn't demoted, she lost the prestige of handling such an important team. Lo and behold, whore goes gunning for the position ever before the dust has settled. Then whore goes on to request management to issue a temporary restraining order against cp effectively barring her from talking with her previous team which would also be her FRIENDS. Yeah...grown-up behavior right?
So cp went typing away and sending comments via our yahoogroups (where current and past co-employees from the same training batch still get tot alk to one another) to inform everyone about what happened. So like kids we took sides and funny thing is no one sided with whore. Which wasn't all that surprising to me seeing as to how this whole thing was her fault.
What got on my nerves was what whore did next. She actually printed out all the emails and gave copies to management and feigned being the victim. Now cp is suspended pending termination...
WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
living it up? yeah right...
I was accused by one of my friends of living it up here in Singapore while they were killing themselves with work. I went red in the face with fury...are you guys daft? Well, I guess you'd have to be to be a friend of mine. LOL! Yeah, a definite prerequisite...
What the hell people?! I'll admit the fact that I'm not dead tired over here but I am stressed out as it is. For the record: "I am definitely not living it up here." Bitches please, if I were living it up you guys would be the first to know.
Although, I did go shopping yesterday and got these new (well maybe not so new) Vans slip-ons. I got the black and white checkered ones with the colored 2007 (see? not so new...) Warped Tour logo. I saw it, fell in love and wouldn't get out of the shop without it. I also saw some cool new Chuck Taylor's that kinda made me wish I had a job right about now. I also checked out awesome Billabong goodies and it's official, surfing goods in the Philippines are insanely priced! If you want surf brand goods, call me and I'll see what I can do for when I go home either this March or on December.
Admittedly, the most drool-worthy part of the shopping trip was our little visit to Louis Vuitton. OMFG! I wanted to snatch the monogramed long billfold, the tan attache case, a cool lock pendant, leather bracelets and some of the sunnies! I also peed myself with excitement inside the store. I was so hyped my brother decided we shouldn't go to Charriol anymore lest I start foaming at the mouth.
xoxo - Joey
What the hell people?! I'll admit the fact that I'm not dead tired over here but I am stressed out as it is. For the record: "I am definitely not living it up here." Bitches please, if I were living it up you guys would be the first to know.
Although, I did go shopping yesterday and got these new (well maybe not so new) Vans slip-ons. I got the black and white checkered ones with the colored 2007 (see? not so new...) Warped Tour logo. I saw it, fell in love and wouldn't get out of the shop without it. I also saw some cool new Chuck Taylor's that kinda made me wish I had a job right about now. I also checked out awesome Billabong goodies and it's official, surfing goods in the Philippines are insanely priced! If you want surf brand goods, call me and I'll see what I can do for when I go home either this March or on December.
Admittedly, the most drool-worthy part of the shopping trip was our little visit to Louis Vuitton. OMFG! I wanted to snatch the monogramed long billfold, the tan attache case, a cool lock pendant, leather bracelets and some of the sunnies! I also peed myself with excitement inside the store. I was so hyped my brother decided we shouldn't go to Charriol anymore lest I start foaming at the mouth.
xoxo - Joey
Friday, February 08, 2008
under pressure...
So...it took a while but I guess I'm back to my old blogging ways. I'm quite settled here already that I feel confident enough to start dishing dirt again.
The funny thing is, right about the time I've settled...it may be time for me to fly back home. To say that I feel confused, is a monumental understatement. My parents have been surprisingly ill-affected by my departure. I, on the other hand, surprised myself by feeling strangely fine. Sure I tend to notice vast differences between Singapore and Manila but I don't find myself yearning to be back home. Everywhere I look here, I see potential. I see "future me" walking along the sides of Orchard Road toting shopping bags from designer so and so ala New York fashion week. I've also begun my battle with the bulge and I'm now comfortably cutting back on serving sizes next up would be finding an exercise regimen that would fit in with my life.
Life right now is a huge ball of ups and downs but then again, when was it ever not?
The funny thing is, right about the time I've settled...it may be time for me to fly back home. To say that I feel confused, is a monumental understatement. My parents have been surprisingly ill-affected by my departure. I, on the other hand, surprised myself by feeling strangely fine. Sure I tend to notice vast differences between Singapore and Manila but I don't find myself yearning to be back home. Everywhere I look here, I see potential. I see "future me" walking along the sides of Orchard Road toting shopping bags from designer so and so ala New York fashion week. I've also begun my battle with the bulge and I'm now comfortably cutting back on serving sizes next up would be finding an exercise regimen that would fit in with my life.
Life right now is a huge ball of ups and downs but then again, when was it ever not?
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Announcement (for those of you who give a damn...)
I would no longer be using my Globe number (09175777491) starting immediately. I would really appreciate it if you delete that number from your contacts list ASAP. I don't fancy having my mom receive earth shattering text messages from my friends. It'll be a few more days before she gets the SIM card but nonetheless please cease all communication with that number.
I can still be reached via IM (fastest way), all my known email addresses (except my bluebottle account, I'm no longer using that) and my Singapore StarHub number. I understand that this probably means it'll be more expensive to keep in touch and fully accept it if some of you stop texting all together.
Thanks for understanding.
XOXO - Joey
I can still be reached via IM (fastest way), all my known email addresses (except my bluebottle account, I'm no longer using that) and my Singapore StarHub number. I understand that this probably means it'll be more expensive to keep in touch and fully accept it if some of you stop texting all together.
Thanks for understanding.
XOXO - Joey
Friday, January 11, 2008
finally here and it still hasn't sunk in...
Just got my laptop fired up. Good thing my brother already has a wireless network set up at home so no wires to bother with. My flight touched down just a few minutes past eleven PM.
I'm still kinda groggy from serious sleep deprivation but I already have a little tour scheduled tomorrow. My brother will be bringing me to the market since I decided I'd cook for the people here tomorrow.
G'night for now...
xoxo JowEE
I'm still kinda groggy from serious sleep deprivation but I already have a little tour scheduled tomorrow. My brother will be bringing me to the market since I decided I'd cook for the people here tomorrow.
G'night for now...
xoxo JowEE
Thursday, January 10, 2008
when your brain leaves your heart trailing...
I've done nothing but whine all day. It doesn't matter who I end up talking to, just as long as he/she has ears.
I've pretty much wrapped my brain around my departure tomorrow. Problem is, I feel nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing about it. It's like my brain is on overdrive while my heart is strangely absent. Is this what it feels like to be in Denial? If it is, I really don't understand why grieving people stay stuck in it for so long. I don't feel anything. It's like I'm stuck in a void where nothing matters but being logical about the move.
I know (as a matter of fact) that I'll probably be missing everyone over here. Then why am I not feeling sad? Does it come when I actually start to miss them? Does this mean I'll suddenly collapse in a torrent of tears when that time comes? I haven't shed a fucking tear thinking about what I'll be missing for at least twelve (well, that's if everything goes according to plan) whole months.
I just want to feel sad. I want my heart to aknowledge the fact that I'll be ripping out a part of my soul and I'll be leaving it behind with the people I love. I've even exposed myself to the saddest songs I have on iTunes yet...nada! Nothing! Kaputz! Richard Ashcroft would have gone sore ages ago if he were really beside me singing Bittersweet Symphony. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
Am I so fucking mature that I have taken all this with a grain of salt? What makes me leaving any different from any of my other problems I've overreacted to and with much gusto if I might add. I had my hair cut earlier. My mom even took time away from her day to sit me down and color my hair (the people in the salon can't get it right, I always react badly to their coloring) this afternoon. My dad - yes, the same miser that pinches the life out of pennies - just gave me cash to bring with me. Yes people! Cold hard cash! Even that didn't make a dent in my armor of insensitivity.
Don't get me started on why I need to cry, why I need to feel bad because I can't explain that either. I just know it's what normal people feel when they leave loved ones behind. And bitches please, don't even give me the "you're not really leaving them behind" and "their always in your heart" speeches. That's like telling me Santa Claus is real.
So yeah...my heart is probably somewhere out there looking for me. After my brain, purposely pulled it out of my chest and kicked it a thousand miles out. Or maybe I'll pull a stunt similar to what a friend of mine did. Act normal until I'm actually seated inside the plain and finally let loose with my emotions when all has sunk in. I really don't need that. I'd hate for the person who'd be stuck beside me for three solid hours to look at me like I'm a crazy person OR WORSE...try to fucking console me. That's a monumental bitch fight waiting to happen.
I've pretty much wrapped my brain around my departure tomorrow. Problem is, I feel nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing about it. It's like my brain is on overdrive while my heart is strangely absent. Is this what it feels like to be in Denial? If it is, I really don't understand why grieving people stay stuck in it for so long. I don't feel anything. It's like I'm stuck in a void where nothing matters but being logical about the move.
I know (as a matter of fact) that I'll probably be missing everyone over here. Then why am I not feeling sad? Does it come when I actually start to miss them? Does this mean I'll suddenly collapse in a torrent of tears when that time comes? I haven't shed a fucking tear thinking about what I'll be missing for at least twelve (well, that's if everything goes according to plan) whole months.
I just want to feel sad. I want my heart to aknowledge the fact that I'll be ripping out a part of my soul and I'll be leaving it behind with the people I love. I've even exposed myself to the saddest songs I have on iTunes yet...nada! Nothing! Kaputz! Richard Ashcroft would have gone sore ages ago if he were really beside me singing Bittersweet Symphony. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
Am I so fucking mature that I have taken all this with a grain of salt? What makes me leaving any different from any of my other problems I've overreacted to and with much gusto if I might add. I had my hair cut earlier. My mom even took time away from her day to sit me down and color my hair (the people in the salon can't get it right, I always react badly to their coloring) this afternoon. My dad - yes, the same miser that pinches the life out of pennies - just gave me cash to bring with me. Yes people! Cold hard cash! Even that didn't make a dent in my armor of insensitivity.
Don't get me started on why I need to cry, why I need to feel bad because I can't explain that either. I just know it's what normal people feel when they leave loved ones behind. And bitches please, don't even give me the "you're not really leaving them behind" and "their always in your heart" speeches. That's like telling me Santa Claus is real.
So yeah...my heart is probably somewhere out there looking for me. After my brain, purposely pulled it out of my chest and kicked it a thousand miles out. Or maybe I'll pull a stunt similar to what a friend of mine did. Act normal until I'm actually seated inside the plain and finally let loose with my emotions when all has sunk in. I really don't need that. I'd hate for the person who'd be stuck beside me for three solid hours to look at me like I'm a crazy person OR WORSE...try to fucking console me. That's a monumental bitch fight waiting to happen.
Monday, December 31, 2007
the pain of being sure...
I just came home from my little trip to the local grocery to stock up on brews for our family's long table gathering later. Lo and behold, as I passed ou iron gate my mom was shouting at me to run fast. I got in and she just thrust my sister's mobile into my ears...it was my brother on the line.
"I just got off the line with my agent and she already sent you the itenirary of your flight, FRIDAY - NEXT WEEK..." Whaaaat? That's the 11th right? I was ROBBED OF A DAY!!!
Worse, my flight's at 7:40PM which means I get to Changi around 11PM!!! What the hell?!?!?!
I feel like I just swallowed a big rock right now. I think I'll go and puke now...
"I just got off the line with my agent and she already sent you the itenirary of your flight, FRIDAY - NEXT WEEK..." Whaaaat? That's the 11th right? I was ROBBED OF A DAY!!!
Worse, my flight's at 7:40PM which means I get to Changi around 11PM!!! What the hell?!?!?!
I feel like I just swallowed a big rock right now. I think I'll go and puke now...
"Riot!" now up!
It's Paramore's sophomore album aka "THE ONE THAT DOESN'T SUCK". I've been hearing their songs over the airwaves a lot recently so...enjoy guys! Misery Business is the only song I actually know...
(NOTE: For those not in the know, here's the 411, all my music uploads are in the MUSIC SECTION of course. Don't know where it is? Scroll up the page and look for the MUSIC tab between the VIDEO and CALENDAR tab. As for those who'll be reading this on my blogger page, please click on this LINK. I'll try to include this note in all my upload announcements from now on but absolutely no promises.)
"Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!" now up!
This is Hellogoodbye's first album. The band is more power pop and I usually don't listen to the genre but for some inexplicable reason, I really really like this album. If you also have the time, watch their music videos on YouTube, the videos are geeky in the cute, adorkable way! The band is also known for their unusually close relationships with their fans...amazing right?
(NOTE: For those not in the know, here's the 411, all my music uploads are in the MUSIC SECTION of course. Don't know where it is? Scroll up the page and look for the MUSIC tab between the VIDEO and CALENDAR tab. As for those who'll be reading this on my blogger page, please click on this LINK. I'll try to include this note in all my upload announcements from now on but absolutely no promises.)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
"Phantoms" now up!
This is the only full length album by Acceptance. Really good. If you liked my Anberlin upload, you'll definitely love this band as well. Too band they've gone their separate ways and went on to perform for other bands that totally suck. Oh well, at least this one's a gem.
(NOTE: For those not in the know, here's the 411, all my music uploads are in the MUSIC SECTION of course. Don't know where it is? Scroll up the page and look for the MUSIC tab between the VIDEO and CALENDAR tab. As for those who'll be reading this on my blogger page, please click on this LINK. I'll try to include this note in all my upload announcements from now on but absolutely no promises.)
Friday, December 28, 2007
"Ten" now up!
Pearl Jam's first ever studio album and my all time favorite album of theirs. "Jeremy" is in this one and it rocks like hell. I'll upload the 320 kbps rip once I get my Pearl Jam CDs back. Enjoy people!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
"Nevermind" now up!
I really don't think this album needs any further explanation right? Enjoy guys...
impending doom...
Yeah...so I finally got all my shit together and I'm just waiting for the sun to come out (tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar on...craaaaaap) so I could do my laundry. My mom was kind enough to hire someone to do my ironing. I'm gonna make sure she gets her money's worth cause I'm planning on having everyhting pressed. That should be done by next week.
We also made concessions about my baggage. We pretty much accepted the fact that I'll probably go over the baggage limit and decided to add a whole bag to what I'll carry so I'll have to pay extra for that.
I got the electric shavers I had my beady eyes on for the longest time. Goodbye razor burns and good riddance. I'm slowly completing my toiletry kit for when I leave.
And oh yeah...my phone's busted. It's acting all weird on me and since I don't have the time to go look for one, I'll be bringing along my busted shitty phone. Since, the iPhone isn't due out 'til a little later next year, I'll probably be getting a Blackberry there or anything with a full qwerty keypad.
In the meanwhile, I'm planning on uploading lots of cool stuff here. A wonderful friend of mine recently ripped me a good copy of his Nevermind (by Nirvana) album and it's wicked good. I also got new stuff from Boys Like Grils, Motion City Soundtrack, The Shins, Howie Day and Hellogoodbye. I'll upload them when I feel like it.
We also made concessions about my baggage. We pretty much accepted the fact that I'll probably go over the baggage limit and decided to add a whole bag to what I'll carry so I'll have to pay extra for that.
I got the electric shavers I had my beady eyes on for the longest time. Goodbye razor burns and good riddance. I'm slowly completing my toiletry kit for when I leave.
And oh yeah...my phone's busted. It's acting all weird on me and since I don't have the time to go look for one, I'll be bringing along my busted shitty phone. Since, the iPhone isn't due out 'til a little later next year, I'll probably be getting a Blackberry there or anything with a full qwerty keypad.
In the meanwhile, I'm planning on uploading lots of cool stuff here. A wonderful friend of mine recently ripped me a good copy of his Nevermind (by Nirvana) album and it's wicked good. I also got new stuff from Boys Like Grils, Motion City Soundtrack, The Shins, Howie Day and Hellogoodbye. I'll upload them when I feel like it.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Happy Fucking Birthday...
I miss the days when I'm actually excited because it's my birthday...not being able to sleep the night before or being bombarded by text messages that flood in at the strike of midnight coming from friends and classmates who want to b e the first to greet you.
Well...I obviously didn't recieve the memo but apparently, those days are long gone.
I woke up at 4:30 AM to start my laundry. Yes, apparently, your dirty clothes won't wash itself even if it's your birthday. Then I got some leftover food from the fridge, nuked it and "et voila!" BREAKFAST! I fire up my notebook to find out my connection's still down (only to find out a few minutes ago that someone had physically disconnected the phone line from my modem!) and decided to just play games on it. My mom comes down a little past six and just asks what I'm doing up: "washing..." "ok...". Then walks into my room again at eigth to tell me she totally forgot it was my birthday. WOW...
I read messages from my sister greeting me. (I love her dearly...) She also told me she was bringing me home some nuggets. (At least she actually got me something I want...). Dad wakes up and greets me. (The only person I don't mind forgetting my birthday.)
I spend most of the day finishing my laundry, up until 1 in the afternoon. Skipped lunch. Then my dad walks in with one of his friends to brag about his huge ass LCD TV. Whatever...
He tells me to go out and buy drinks for him and his company. (Ouch much?!)
I just went out to cool off. I go in, sit and watch a DVD. Not 5 minutes into the film, mom hollers (from the second floor) at me (I'm downstairs) to get the telephone directory (from the third floor!) upstairs. Who wouldn't get mad...HONESTLY?!
I find out she's busy trying to make everything fixed for a cousin of mine who's going to be visiting the country (she lives in Australia). She has the time to worry about that but she's waaaay to busy to even prepare food.
She asks me about an hour ago to go out and buy food because she doesn't want to go out to the market because "she doesn't want to tire me out by asking me to cook dinner"...wow, considerate. I don't have to cook it, but I have to go out and buy it instead.
Somebody shoot me now...
Well...I obviously didn't recieve the memo but apparently, those days are long gone.
I woke up at 4:30 AM to start my laundry. Yes, apparently, your dirty clothes won't wash itself even if it's your birthday. Then I got some leftover food from the fridge, nuked it and "et voila!" BREAKFAST! I fire up my notebook to find out my connection's still down (only to find out a few minutes ago that someone had physically disconnected the phone line from my modem!) and decided to just play games on it. My mom comes down a little past six and just asks what I'm doing up: "washing..." "ok...". Then walks into my room again at eigth to tell me she totally forgot it was my birthday. WOW...
I read messages from my sister greeting me. (I love her dearly...) She also told me she was bringing me home some nuggets. (At least she actually got me something I want...). Dad wakes up and greets me. (The only person I don't mind forgetting my birthday.)
I spend most of the day finishing my laundry, up until 1 in the afternoon. Skipped lunch. Then my dad walks in with one of his friends to brag about his huge ass LCD TV. Whatever...
He tells me to go out and buy drinks for him and his company. (Ouch much?!)
I just went out to cool off. I go in, sit and watch a DVD. Not 5 minutes into the film, mom hollers (from the second floor) at me (I'm downstairs) to get the telephone directory (from the third floor!) upstairs. Who wouldn't get mad...HONESTLY?!
I find out she's busy trying to make everything fixed for a cousin of mine who's going to be visiting the country (she lives in Australia). She has the time to worry about that but she's waaaay to busy to even prepare food.
She asks me about an hour ago to go out and buy food because she doesn't want to go out to the market because "she doesn't want to tire me out by asking me to cook dinner"...wow, considerate. I don't have to cook it, but I have to go out and buy it instead.
Somebody shoot me now...
Friday, December 07, 2007
another guilty pleasure...
Okay...so it seems I've been bitten by the Facebook bug as well. I've been toying around with the site for a few days now. It's just plain addicting. I dunno...it really does consume a big chunk of my time.
My browser is now set to open a bunch of sites automatically. There's Multiply (duh), Yahoo! mail (for spam because all my other addies are serviced through Outlook), Google Reader (for info and news), LastFM (to scope out new tunes because the iTunes store is up in my iTunes app), MySpace (for what it's worth), Facebook (new addition), MyGlobe cust service (just to make sure I'm not blindsided by 2-5k bills anymore), Windows Live, DList (secret...), and Wikipedia (it comes in handy every time!). I don't even bother opening Friendster anymore. It's sooo ten years ago!
ZOMG, I'm starting to digitize my whole life! I'm afraid I'll wake up one day stuck on the wrong side of the computer screen!
My browser is now set to open a bunch of sites automatically. There's Multiply (duh), Yahoo! mail (for spam because all my other addies are serviced through Outlook), Google Reader (for info and news), LastFM (to scope out new tunes because the iTunes store is up in my iTunes app), MySpace (for what it's worth), Facebook (new addition), MyGlobe cust service (just to make sure I'm not blindsided by 2-5k bills anymore), Windows Live, DList (secret...), and Wikipedia (it comes in handy every time!). I don't even bother opening Friendster anymore. It's sooo ten years ago!
ZOMG, I'm starting to digitize my whole life! I'm afraid I'll wake up one day stuck on the wrong side of the computer screen!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Fagnostic...
This is probably the first time I posted a video (or any form of media for that matter...) alluding to a subsequent post. I posted Jay Brannan's "Goddamned" as sort of an intro (if you would) to my ramblings.
I've been dealing with some deep shit recently. I mean with the boatloads of idle time I have, who wouldn't be pushed into making phiosophical discourses with their inner being?! LOL!!! I've always had questions about my faith (for those not on the down-low, I was born into a Roman Catholic family and was thus baptised without much preamble) and all these questions have snowballed into the very scary (and sinful...yes, in the biblical sense) five letter word - "D O U B T". People who question their faith and who actually try to think for themselves have always been negatively labeled by the church (if not outright classified as apocryphal...). We have "doubting" Thomas and whatnots.
It all began with my pure unadulterated fear of death. I kept on thinking why I was so afraid of dying. So I kinda realized that I was (and still am) terrified of dying and finding out (although I don't know how I would find out) that there is no God. I fear death being the end of everything. I don't want to cease existing and the usual solution doesn't do anything for me. Unlike the egotistical bastards of yore who sought to immortalize themselves through their acts of conquest or even by their breakthroughs, I am not satisfied by merely knowing that I will be remembered. No, I want to go on living...EXISTING. I don't fear mediocrity and being rendered invisible. I fear losing all sensation.
I guess most people would hold on to their beliefs and gods tighter after thoughts like these. But I had a different reaction. I want to find out how to stay alive and not any of that BS about putting myself to cryogenic rest until people discover the secret of immortality (although that would be sweet). I never want to die. So I promptly started introspecting and discovered that I had no strong belief in the christian faith to begin with. So it goes without saying that if the christian god were the true god, there is simply no way in hell he'd reward me with salvation, eternal life and all that jazz. The catholic faith has so many holes in it that none of its arguements hold water.
I immediately thought of myself as being an atheist but I couldn't force myself to believe in the non-existence of a higher power. That just simply meant life is a one-shot thing and I could bring myself to swallow that pill. So being agnostic is working out for me quite nicely these days. I simply accept that there are things that we are not meant to know. I'm appeasing myself with such an asian philosophy. Accepting things as they are and not questioning, simply experiencing. I'm consantly having to mentally berate myself for wanting to dissect everything (the western approach) and digest every single morsel of knowedge I come accross.
Living like this is not only painful but it's turning out to be an empty existence as well. I am materialistic and am not afraid to admit so. My love for sensation and all things physical and material have made me a head case. A person who is afraid to accept anything vague. I want it underlined, highlighted and annotated. It's sickening...I KNOW.
xoxo
-Jowee
I've been dealing with some deep shit recently. I mean with the boatloads of idle time I have, who wouldn't be pushed into making phiosophical discourses with their inner being?! LOL!!! I've always had questions about my faith (for those not on the down-low, I was born into a Roman Catholic family and was thus baptised without much preamble) and all these questions have snowballed into the very scary (and sinful...yes, in the biblical sense) five letter word - "D O U B T". People who question their faith and who actually try to think for themselves have always been negatively labeled by the church (if not outright classified as apocryphal...). We have "doubting" Thomas and whatnots.
It all began with my pure unadulterated fear of death. I kept on thinking why I was so afraid of dying. So I kinda realized that I was (and still am) terrified of dying and finding out (although I don't know how I would find out) that there is no God. I fear death being the end of everything. I don't want to cease existing and the usual solution doesn't do anything for me. Unlike the egotistical bastards of yore who sought to immortalize themselves through their acts of conquest or even by their breakthroughs, I am not satisfied by merely knowing that I will be remembered. No, I want to go on living...EXISTING. I don't fear mediocrity and being rendered invisible. I fear losing all sensation.
I guess most people would hold on to their beliefs and gods tighter after thoughts like these. But I had a different reaction. I want to find out how to stay alive and not any of that BS about putting myself to cryogenic rest until people discover the secret of immortality (although that would be sweet). I never want to die. So I promptly started introspecting and discovered that I had no strong belief in the christian faith to begin with. So it goes without saying that if the christian god were the true god, there is simply no way in hell he'd reward me with salvation, eternal life and all that jazz. The catholic faith has so many holes in it that none of its arguements hold water.
I immediately thought of myself as being an atheist but I couldn't force myself to believe in the non-existence of a higher power. That just simply meant life is a one-shot thing and I could bring myself to swallow that pill. So being agnostic is working out for me quite nicely these days. I simply accept that there are things that we are not meant to know. I'm appeasing myself with such an asian philosophy. Accepting things as they are and not questioning, simply experiencing. I'm consantly having to mentally berate myself for wanting to dissect everything (the western approach) and digest every single morsel of knowedge I come accross.
Living like this is not only painful but it's turning out to be an empty existence as well. I am materialistic and am not afraid to admit so. My love for sensation and all things physical and material have made me a head case. A person who is afraid to accept anything vague. I want it underlined, highlighted and annotated. It's sickening...I KNOW.
xoxo
-Jowee
Jay Brannan - Goddamned
I want to start of this tirade on a positive note. I just finished watching the film Shortbus (please refer to my "review" section for more info and NO. I'M NOT UPLOADING THE FILM HERE.) Jay Brannan just interested me so much. I hated his character Ceth (pronounced "Seth") until he sang...DAMN IT! His voice was haunting. Up until now, he's in my head.
I'm currently questioning my faith (what elese is new?) and I'm glad I took the time to listen to this particular song.
For those interested, please visit Jay Brannan's website. And yeah, he's openly gay...THANK GOD! For all the haters out there, please drop dead...really...JUST...DROP...DEAD!!!
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