on the verge...

It seems like I have finally managed to ruffle my mom's feathers. You know what she suggested we do tomorrow? She asked me if...no, scratch that, she TOLD me that we were going to hear mass tomorrow morning. Let me tell you, my mom will never ever ask you to go to church unless she feels you need it...BAD.

It is now officially one week and five days since my first sortie with the nice people in Amkor. After that very eventful day, I was advised that they will contact me for further information within a period of two weeks. As it stands, I have received neither phone call, SMS, email, nor good'ol snail mail from them. This is apparently being viewed by my mother as a possibly life threatening issue. (Hahahaha...)

The financial status of this household is near stable at best. With dad quitting his job and my brother still recovering from his rockstar wedding, this family's main source of income is my sister's work which, suffice, to say is not nearly enough. The only other source would be money coming in from my mom's work (which is not as consistent as we would like) since the school bus is just earning enough to pay for petrol and repairs thanks in large part to the gutless, useless and INSOLENT (he actually has the guts to order my mom, the woman he gets his salary from, around!?) driver. To say that this family needs any potential income I can bring in is a gross understatement.

The electric bill is quite acceptable since there have been no huge fluctuations there. Food is ok...I mean, I have yet (thankfully!) to experience hunger. I am planning on having my postpaid line cut but I will have to wait until I finish my two year contract, since I am not confident with my ability to pay this particular service on time. There is also the matter of the nine remaining payments on my (once) brand new mobile phone. After I have taken care of these problems, it goes without saying that I will start to cut back on other things.

I have also re-evaluated my professional plans. Once March hits and there is STILL no assurance from Amkor about the job, I will again (I hate to say this) reapply for a call center job. I think three weeks is a good enough amount of time to wait for any sign coming from the high heavens. I will also stop requesting for management positions when applying for call center jobs and I'll start accepting agent positions. The best I can hope for is a Technical Service Representative position, which pays nominally higher salaries.

If I don't get the job from Amkor within my desired time frame, I will start purging all connections to my college degree. I think this is a reasonable decision taking into account what my degree has done for me so far. The only good thing about my degree is the University from which it came from, making it easier for me to leapfrog above most idiots from crappy schools who apply for a position I like. I'm currently viewing job openings at Teletech because they have an office nearby at the SM office buildings across the Mall of Asia and Dell (again...) as well.

I honestly think it's high time to swallow any bit of pride left in me and just accept the fact that I need to start earning money for this family. Yes, I have finally accepted that we had no say in picking which parents bore us. I have similarly stopped blaming God for everything that has gone wrong in my life, deciding instead to redirect my energies to questioning his existence...think of it as a sort of Theo-Philosophical retaliation from my part.

I still promise to behave in a rational and civilized manner when dealing with everyone but I will also start severing ties with most people. People who mostly remind me of what a failure I have become. In so doing this, I believe it lessens the pain of living each day.

Coming into the stone and cement structure of our parish church tomorrow, I shall stand, sit , and kneel at the proper intervals but I REFUSE TO BEG WHOMEVER IS REPRESENTED BY THE WOOD AND CERAMIC IDOLS INSIDE THE CHURCH FOR A CHANCE AT EMPLOYMENT. I honestly believe with every fiber of my being that I have given enough to this forsaken world to be given at least an inch in return. I may be an asshole but I am not a selfish asshole. I have done my part in giving what I can to humanity, now it's humanity's turn to give me something back!

This entire post might sound just a little bit weird or even pyscho to most people and maybe they are right in assuming such. I for one will not vouch for my own well being...hahahaha.

I now remember the words of my third year high school chemistry laboratory teacher. When I told her: "That is not fair!!!" the reasons surrounding my retort have been lost in time, but I will never forget her reply...

"Darling, whoever said life was fair?" she speaks the truth...