I went to the Mall of Asia consistently for the past three days (time check: 9:49 PM. Yes! Today, is still "today") and I have been experiencing weird emotions. Fluctuating and sometimes outright unwanted, I just had the time to think about it now. Don't get me wrong, February 15, 16 and 17 (side note: have you guys noticed that the letters B and V, which sounds similar, are set beside one another in the keyboard? I just typed February with a V and had a laugh, hehehe. "Fevruary" sooo gay!) - back to the story - so, those three days are not downright special. I guess the fact that I spent most of the three days in one place makes it easier to paint a picture.
February 15:
This feels like an episode of 24...only a day per episode! Harharhar! The day started out normal enough. Woke up kinda early, I had to go with mom to Cash and Carry to meet tita Ava. Well, on a side note, I hope tita Ava gets well really soon! We ate at Luk Yuen (yummy!) and went around looking at different grocery stuff we needed at home. So, tita Ava arrived after enduring traffic in the express way (not exactly breaking news, right?) and we handed her the gown she commissioned mommy to make. Also, I forgot to mention, we brought Botchog (my favorite kid cousin) along. We just made a stop at the drugstore so mom could buy cold relief medicine. I also made a stop at the local DVD store buying Justice League CDs - supercool! - pun intended.
We went home and my sister, Kate arrived from work. She immediately asked me to come with her to MOA to look at prescription glasses. This of course, pumped me up, because she earlier promised that I get to keep her old Oakley frame when she gets a new pair. So off we went to MOA to look at frames. I gave her my opinions about different stuff she tried on. I was actually surprised that she ended up purcahsing a pair during that same trip. So first emotion - ENVY. I hated myself then and there. Envy? Fucking envy? It goes without saying that your siblings are the last people you should be envious about, because it's a lot easier being genuinely happy for someone in the family, right?
Also, we found out that she’ll be getting a second pair of glasses, ABSOLUTELY FREE – MORE ENVY. Why she hadn’t had the second pair made out for me was beyond reason!!! So we went out of the store and we still needed to make a stop at
I just need to explain, I have this habit of becoming awfully silent or cool (not “rockin’” cool, but more of a “cold” cool) when I’m either mad or sad but I do this in such a way that you don’t notice. So I ended up giving my sister the cold shoulder for the remainder of the day. She didn’t even figure this out, which further infuriated me. I know, I don’t want people to know when I’m mad but I get madder when they don’t – I’m just abnormal I guess, or psycho for that matter.
February 16:
It’s my sister payday. Hurray for her. She asked me I if I could go with her to Jenny’s (her bestfriend) house to drop off Jaz’s (Jenny’s daughter, her godchild) birthday present. But before we could drive over there, we needed to stop by MOA to get donuts or something like that for Jenny.
So I got dressed and we went to MOA but we ended up getting Cheese Rolls instead. And to make sure we were not horrible (a.k.a. Hungry) guests, my sister had to feed me, which made me feel pathetic because who, in their right mind, would ask their penniless, good for nothing brother to pay for his own meal, right? – SELF LOATHING. We also needed to pay for our monthly mobile phone service, which, in actuality, represented the last of my savings. I felt so fucking helpless right then.
I also decided to look around for a pink PSP because Ana told me to look for one. So I did, successfully, find one that was just the right price. I was trying to call Ana just to make sure she wanted it. I couldn’t even give the lady behind the counter a definite answer since I couldn’t ask her to hold the item for me because I had no way of securing an advance payment on the item. I was such a loser then trying to give flimsy excuses why she should hold the item for me without having me front money for it.
So we get to Jenny’s place and we meet a very unenthusiastic (a.k.a. crying, no, more like bawling) Jaz to drop off the gift. My sister was happy with her salary, more cheers for her (I’m being sarcastic right now…). We needed to drop by a dental supply shop before finally heading home. It goes without saying that I was the one to get off the car to go buy stuff. This is due, in large part, to my lack of a driver’s license. Imagine, a 22 year old male without a license – MORE SELF LOATHING.
Today:
I was actually the one to remind my sister that her glasses should be fine for pick up today. DUMB FUCK! So we were on our way again to MOA to pick them up. They were perfect of course, and fit perfectly on her perfect face, and matched her perfect eyes…SHIT! She asked me if I wanted to have a look around before we went home. I said yes. EVEN DUMBER FUCK!!!
I went to different optical shops to look for styles that I liked. I made my rounds looking at frames that I didn’t dare touch (if I broke one, I wouldn’t be able to pay for it) while navigating my way around incessant sales people. Let me get this straight, I firmly believe that if you’re positive that you wouldn’t be buying anything, you shouldn’t bother the sales people because if you don’t purchase anything, you are, technically, not paying for their services. - EMBARRASSMENT
So I didn’t want to bother the hard working people but there was this one guy who didn’t know how to relent. I was almost – mind you, ALMOST – at the point of shouting at him to tell him that I didn’t have dough to buy anything and that his time was better spent with customers who actually had money – EVEN MORE EMBARRASSMENT. Even if I didn’t actually say that out loud, just thinking about it made we want to puke. So I just told my sister that we should quit it and just go home.
I probably should just look forward to the fact that I’ll be most probably hired before the month ends. But since nothing is set in stone yet, I wouldn’t want to count on that just yet. What was that about eggs, chickens, and counting… I just want to evaporate right now. I see the looks my family’s giving me. That USELESS, GOOD FOR NOTHING, FAT, UGLY, PENNILESS, SPINELESS EXCUSE FOR A MAN…they’re probably saying. I should probably go back to slashing my wrists, at least that made me feel good.
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